Surrender..

I've become what I always feared I would be - a monster.
Seems my past mistakes are my heartless captors.
I'm unarmed as spiritual wars are waged. 
My choices and Satan have me caged.
I'm trapped and I don't know which way to turn.
I've let my Father down again; I'll never learn.
Though I'm drowning in forgiveness, I cannot feel grace. 
I turn to drugs, sex, mutilation to kill the pain. 
Something about a worldly lifestyle sucks me right in.
Though it's disgusting in every way, I'm so attracted to sin.
It's a viscous circle that's impossible to break.
I'm ashamed 'cause I use; I use 'cause I'm ashamed.
Though I know God will never leave me, 
I'm too guilt to pray. 
I'm too strong to abandon this world but too broken to stay.
If I could get past the contrition I feel inside, 
Maybe I could see through new eyes. 
I want to start fresh - be someone new.
God forgives me, but I argue. 


Lord, make me the daughter You want me to be.
Break these chains and set me free.
I want to worship Your every command 'cause I'm unworthy of Your mercy.
Fill me with Your spirit so I'm no longer empty.
Send me into the world with a clean slate.
I'll do all I can to forever obey.