About a boy.. or the devil - all the same..

Originally, I wrote this poem with a boy in mind.. one that I thought I was hopelessly in love with. Turns out, I was wrong. When I first shared it with others, the majority of them began asked if I had written it about the devil. There is much to be said in that. Since the devil also fits as the subject of this poem, I talked myself out of "love" and did what was best for me. Enjoy..

You're my alcohol. You're my pills. You're my cigarettes. You're
my rush.

One time and I'm hooked. Like bait on a fishing hook.

Stuck, trapped.

The only difference is that I'm not squirming to get away. In fact, I'm urging to get closer.

I want to be drowned in these feelings, surrounded by you.

I want you to be the bottle I'm drinking down, be the pills that I'm snorting, be the nicotine I'm inhaling, and the rush that keeps me going, functioning on a daily basis.

How is it that we love the things that treat us the worst in life?
People are whispering truths in my ear about who you are and what you're doing to me.

Although I'd love to listen, I can only hear.

You have the same effect on me as the alcohol. I'm intoxicated by you. But then I'm left hungover, head pounding, ten times worse than I was to begin with.

The same effect as the pills. Getting me so high, reaching euphoria, feeling untouchable. Then crashing hard and being unlucky enough to have survived it.

The same effect as the cigarettes. Taking me to places of unbelievable relief, relaxation. But leaving me with repulsive features that disgust even those closest to me.

The same effect as the rush. Adrenaline pumping, heart pounding, my mind feeling explosive. After the good wears off, panic takes over and now I'm addicted to the rush. Constantly looking for ways to include you in my daily routines.

Simply because if I don't, I'll go insane.

It's like I cannot detox from you.. which means I'll never be clean.

I suppose the most disgusting aspect of our relationship is what you want out of it.

You want me dead.

You leave me with more problems, negative connotations, than I've ever acquired before. You know that if I keep you up, you'll have total and complete control over me.

You lie to me.

You tell me that you are who I want you to me. You convince me that you love me, that you want the best for me when the truth is, you just want me under your command.

Nothing more than a slave to you.

You sit back and laugh every time I come back to you.

You know matter of factually, that I can't resist.

It pleasures you every time I come running to you for more abuse. You tell me you love me, that you've changed, that you want me forever.

And I believe you do. But for the wrong reasons.

Not at all because you love me, but because you hate me.

Because your goal is to ruin my life, to have myself believing that I'm worthless, to convince me that I deserve nothing better than you.

But I'm an addict by choice; I keep coming back on my own.

You should have had a warning label on you; You didn't.

I had no idea how addictive you'd be but I tend to find most things out the hard way.

Now I'm sitting here longing for your touch, wanting to get lost in those big, blue eyes because with you, I feel safe.

But I should be terrified, scared for my life.

I try to remind myself how bad you are for me but the high seems so worth it. I know the Lord is looking down in discomfort, frowning at the choices I'm making, the willpower I'm lacking, and the manipulation you pull off all too well.

As much as I love Him, it isn't enough. Do you see what you're doing to me? If I allow this to continue you'll have me dead, spiritually and physically.

I suppose the reason I keep coming back is because I mistake you for a lover but you're only a home-wrecker.

Do me a favor, stay out!