Walking contradiction..

This poem came to me when I was trying desperately to figure out who I wanted to be. I realized that I am nothing less than a walking contradiction. I take great pride in this piece and I feel like so many others could relate to it.

I'll tell you what I want if you'll just listen, 

But sometimes people call me a walking contradiction.

To me, everything is clear - all I believe in.

Others are confused - they want my reasons.

None to offer; it's just how I feel.

To you it may be fiction, but to me it is real:

I want a girl to love me all my life.

I want a husband by my side. not a wife.

I want children running around at my feet.

I want peace and quiet - just for me.

I want success in a career in law

But 'Plan B' is bartending, should I fall.

I want to be sober - keep counting the days.

I want to start over - live life in a haze.

I need you beside me. I need you away.

I need to walk a straight path. I need to stray.

I need to use words. I need to lose my voice.

I need to be forced. I need a choice.

I need to be pretty - inside and out. I need to be ugly, without a doubt.

I need my mama. I need my home.

I need nothing but to be alone.

Fortunately, I figured out who I want to be and what path I'm taking. I'm not being preachy but I will say that I couldn't have decided without the Lord. Thank You, God for taking control of my life again. You know how ridiculously I was spinning out of control.. and how fast.