Letters to the ultimate Daddy..

Daddy, 


I'm coming to You. I need You so bad right now, but You already know that. You know what happened this week so there's no need to recap. I need to start talking and listening because I'm not good at praying and I'm even worse at meditating on Your word. I don't always see all the signs You place in front of me. In fact, I rarely do. 


First and foremost, I want to thank You. I have so much to be grateful for. Thank You for waking me up today - like we always said in rehab, "Who woke us up this morning? God." I want to thank You for that person in my life who I've grown to love so much as a mentor, a fellow Christian, and so much more. I know she loves me and I know you put her in my life for a reason - a HUGE reason!! I don't think she knows how much she means to me. She was there - the only person I had. She was there - to take me out of a potentially dangerous situation. She was there - to point out all the stop signs You'd placed in front of me that I'd been so carelessly bypassing. Without her, I could be dead - and You know better than anyone that's no exaggeration. I want to thank You for not giving her peace and for giving her the feeling that if I made that rash decision, she'd soon be attending my funeral. That is what stopped me. Please just let her know that; just let her feel that. I want to thank You for my mommy and daddy . Thank You for letting them love me & take care of me. Thank You for giving them a reason for wanting me - whatever that may be. Thank You for having them fight for me so hard. THANK YOU! I give thanks for my amazing friends who value You just as I do, who have my back no matter what, who will cry with me and hold my hand. Thank You for my real mom. Thank You for keeping her alive this long and I pray You won't let her leave this earth until she find You - until she realizes that YOU ARE THE ONLY WAY. Thank You for making me uneasy that night - for making me feel that I was loosing myself - that if I followed Satan, I would also be attending my funeral in the near future. Thank You for providing me with an amazing sponsor. She loves me too and she understands my addiction. She will help to keep me sober. Thank You for so much more that I don't even know how to put into words. 


Now, for my needs & wants. I only want You to help with what You what to - which I know you will. First, give that special person peace. I know I'm draining her right now but I am forever grateful to the both of you. I pray that mommy & daddy know in their hearts that I would never intentionally hurt them - not in a million years. I pray they know how much I love them. You know everything I'm thinking. I just don't want Satan to win anymore. He's taken more than enough of me already. I know You can put him in his place if I just come to You.


"I could count a million times - people asking me how I can praise You with all that I've been through. The question just amazes me. Could circumstances possibly change who I forever am in You? Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings You glory. And I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to please You, Jesus, bring the rain." - Bring the Rain, Casting Crowns.


Finally, I pray that You and I have a stronger connection than ever before. After all, You are my Daddy. I think we do. I believe You used that special person to accomplish that, which is more than okay by me. Lord, Father, Daddy, take care of me because I can't take care of myself right now. I love you so much..


In Jesus' name, 

Amen<3