Spiritual awakenings..

Thank the Lord for spiritual awakenings. Just as I was getting down on my life thinking that I was going to relapse... or even commit suicide, the Lord stepped in, just like He always does, and saved the day.

We went out to the OIP last night for dinner - me, mom, and dad. I decided that I wasn't going to the AA meeting. I was tired and I just needed to sleep. A man paid for his dinner and walked out of the door slowly. He changed my mind.. he was from AA. Just seeing him was enough to make me want to go.

I told mom and dad I changed my mind and I headed off once we finished our dinner. Once I got there, I went into the bathroom. I was the only one in there. I started thinking to myself, Brooke, you can pick your battles. If it isn't going to matter in twenty-four hours, you don't have to make a big deal out of it. It's funny how when you apply something so simple, it can make a huge difference. It's common sense but I guess I didn't realize it.

I walked out of the stall and looked in the mirror. There I was - broken. You could see it in my eyes. My hair was a mess, I had gray circles below my eyes, and I was the definition of defeated. I started talking to myself - looking me dead in the eye. The weird thing is that they were things I'd NEVER say to myself. I felt like someone else was telling me what to say - controlling my vocal chords.

"I love you so much. You're worth it. Look at you. You're beautiful. You're smart. People like you. People love you. I love you. You are so worth it."

I started bawling. It was like an immense weight had been lifted off my shoulders - off my chest. Tears streamed down my face but a smile found it's way to my face.

I believe it was God. So to that, all I have to say is Thank You.